To Be Thankful For
by CBloom2
Summary: Kind of a missing scene for 5.20 because I thought that Sam would have had a hard time coming to terms with the fact that a 'friend' had a hand in Jessica's death. Slight spoilers for that episode with a smattering of big brother Dean!


The Devil You Know – tag

Dean awoke to the glorious smell of freshly brewed coffee. Normally he would've leapt out of bed to get to the delicious brew, but this morning the enthusiasm had escaped him. The reason for this was the fact that when he glanced over to where his brother should have been sleeping, he not only found that Sam wasn't in his bed, but his bed had obviously not been slept in at all. Sure it was a little rumpled where Sam had been sitting on it the previous night, but that was it. He hadn't even pulled the blankets back and tried to make it look like he'd been in it. Dean sighed as he took in his surroundings trying to figure out where Sam was. He'd obviously put the coffee on, but he wasn't drinking any, as there were still two cups next to the machine. He looked to the table to see if he was in his usual place on the laptop…no sign of him. Looking towards the bathroom he noticed that the door was open, so that was a bust.

Suddenly the door to their room started opening, very slowly. The heavy wooden door creaked eerily as it edged open. Dean automatically shoved his hand under his pillow for his knife. He quickly pulled his hand back out when he saw Sam shuffling in, laden with food.

" So that's where you've been. I was wondering where you'd run off to…" Dean commented, immensely glad to see that his brother was still in one piece.

Sam gave his brother a small smile, which gave Dean a good chance to see Sam's face. He didn't like what he saw. Even in the dull, grey light of the morning he could see pale, dark circles under his little brothers' eyes. Even his hair seemed lacklustre and limp. There was a definite air of fatigue that had settled around him.

"So, I see you slept like a baby last night then?" Dean said.

Sam chuckled without conviction, "Actually…no!"

Dean nodded, "I'd guessed as much. Dude, you could've at least made it look like you'd tried…saved me one grey hair."

"You got grey hair?"

"Bite me!"

Sam set the bags on the table, "You want some coffee?"

Dean got up from his bed, "In a minute, I need to hit the head," he said as he meandered his way to the bathroom.

Minutes later he came out and made his way to the table that was already set, with a cup of steaming java and his breakfast of pancakes and syrup…his favourite. As he tucked into the pancakes, he watched as his brother just poured himself a coffee, then sat down with a heavy thud.

Dean had a feeling he knew what was eating his brother but he didn't actually think he could deal with Sam's feelings on the matter at this moment in time. The latest run in with the demon Crowley had sent him into a slight tail spin, plus the extra pressure put on them with that demon Brady…just thinking about him made Dean's blood boil, heaven only knew what it had done to Sam.

"He was a good friend you know," Sam started as he carefully placed his cup on the table.

"You sure about that?" Dean replied. Sam looked at his brother with confusion, "I mean he was a demon Sam…"

"Well I know that now…" Sam gulped then suddenly found the table very interesting. Dean noticed that his brothers shoulders tensed and his breathing had got slightly more laboured, "Sam?" he questioned.

Sam looked up and Dean was shocked to see tears pooling in his little brothers eyes. Sam took a deep breath, trying to stem the emotion that was threatening to overwhelm him, "I remember when he changed. He'd been a straight A student. We used to go out to the local bars together and sometimes study together. We were very similar…I think that's why we got on so well. Then during our sophomore year, he disappeared. Just like that. Gone for about a week. I never heard from him. Then suddenly he came back…but he was different." Sam sighed as the memories came back to him. He took a gulp of coffee almost gagging at the bitter taste. Dean sat watching him intently. He could see the emotion flirting with Sam's face. He had a feeling that a dam was about to break, but what concerned him the most was whether he was actually strong enough to help Sam.

"He started drinking…a lot. Then came the women. Brady wouldn't hardly speak to a woman before, let alone make out with them in front of me. Finally, he started messing with drugs. He actually OD'd once. I managed to get him to the ER in time. I tried to help him. I went with him to groups, took him to doctors, tried to get him to talk to me…but nothing helped. Now I know why."

Suddenly Sam got up from the table and began to pace, a sure sign to Dean that all was not well with his little brother.

"But during all this he managed to introduce me to Jess. She was the most stunning woman I had ever seen. I think she reminded me of mom, from the pictures I'd seen. We both then tried to help him, but he wouldn't accept our help. Then he just upped and left about a month before…" Sam stopped himself. He rubbed a hand over his face as if to erase the pain that this was obviously causing him.

"You weren't to know bro," Dean tried to soothe. Sam turned to look at him, the tired hazel eyes filling with moisture, his lower lip quivering as he tried to reign in his misery, "Why Dean? Why did this have to happen to us? Why couldn't it have happened to the Willis's down the road?" he cried, knowing that he sounded ridiculous, even to his own ears.

"The Willis's? Sam? You crazy…They were a set of douches!" Dean retorted, trying with everything in him to pull Sam from the funk that he had got himself into.

Sam looked shocked for a second, then actually chuckled, "Yeah, I guess they were…"he agreed, "It's just that mom, dad, Jess, Ellen, Jo, Bobby, even Brady, all this happened cos of us…I …don't… understand…" Sam took a deep, shaky breath, then crossed the room and sank, heavily onto his bed, his head in his hands.

He was surprised when a few seconds later he felt the bed dip and a familiar shoulder came into contact with his own.

"I don't understand it either Sam. I don't know why it had to be us…but it is and we have to beat it." Dean looked at his suffering brother and had a sudden realisation. He was strong enough to help Sam through this and together they could beat this incredibly horrific situation that his family had found themselves in. He nudged Sam's shoulder until his younger sibling looked at him, "I'm sorry about Jess Sam. I don't know if I've ever said this to you, but I am from the bottom of my heart. She seemed to be a great girl and she made you very happy, so I love her for that. I'm also sorry that it was a friend of yours that killed her. It's bad enough losing someone close but to know that that person was killed by someone you considered a friend, well, I don't know how I would feel," he broke off as he felt emotion brewing in his throat, "You know what Sam, we've been through the wringer more times than I care to count, and we've hit rock bottom on many occasions, and I just want you to know that I'm…proud of you. I know things got dicey, particularly this year, but you've shown enormous strength and courage and maturity…and, well, I just wanted you to know…Sam?" He stopped because his brother had just buried his face in his hands and was quietly sobbing his heart out. Sam had never thought that he would hear Dean saying words like that to him ever again…it was all to much.

"Ah Sammy," Dean breathed as he slung an arm around his brothers gigantic shoulders and brought him towards his own shoulder, "We'll get there, somehow Sammy. I know we will."

Sam was still in the gentle hold of his brother. He nodded his agreement to Dean's statement, as he wiped his face free from tears, "I'm sorry Dean…"

Dean patted him on the back, "It's ok Sammy. You always were a whiney bitch!"

Sam pulled himself from Dean's grasp with a look of indignation on his face, "A whiney…?"

Sam then saw the smirk on his big brothers face, "Yeah, well you were always a … Jerk!"

"That the best come back you've got bro?" Dean said as he got up and scuffed the back of Sam's head, gently.

Sam smiled, then realised that even though they had lost many good people, they still had plenty to be thankful for. Sam just hoped that they would be alive long enough to be thankful.


End file.
